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Wiki Story: And Then there Were None
Note: This story is based off of "And Then There Were None" by Agatha Christie. If you want the original story, go here. However, this would of course, spoil the events of this story, and you might be a little disappointed. Oh well, too bad. Considering this is a parody of it, it will be considerably shorter and considerably easier to read. Enjoy. '' ''Characters used go to their respective owners, shown here . As a warning, this might have content that is senstive to some users (I.E death by hanging, unfortunately). Reading discretion is advised. Chapter 1: That was rather fast Elliott checked his watch. It was still an hour before the "party" started, and there was still no sign of the host. AKA, his employer, Owen Grebit, the guy who had commissioned him to make sure none of the guests ran off with any of his wife's jewels. Not that the lot even looked like the type to do that. Hell, there were'' animals'' invited. Who invited animals to a party, anyways? Oh well, maybe Owen Grebit was a party animal. Hah. his own bad puns aside, Elliott surveyed the mansion. Several guests were already seated, there were several in their rooms, and there was one rocking back and forth on the floor crying. This was going to be a blast, he could already tell. ---- Cailen sat in a corner of the room on the floor, nervously clutching a capri-sun packet. He was crying. Why did he even come here. Wh. Why was he invited and not Shawn? The letter had specifically asked for Cailen, and not Shawn????? What was the purpose of this. What was life????? Confusion swept over Cailen again and he cried some more. Maybe he could leave the party when the morning boat came so he didn't have to stay here with these weirdos. ---- Meanwhile, upstairs, a door was slammed. Asmo quickly descended the stairs into the dining hall. Each guest had a seperate bedroom. Asmo's had a rather nice view. The Shrek stained glass was...uncalled for, but it was easily assumed that the host must be an eccentric, considering they were a millionaire. It was rather odd how the island was named Ogre Island, and each room (As far as Asmo could see) had a different Shrek mural, but nonetheless. There was a nice poem in each room, though, and the bedsheets were nice and soft, even if they had an image of a jolly green leprecaun wearing sunglasses and smoking a pipe on them. ---- At the table, Asmo's seat was across from that of a...yellow, mammal-like creature with a red bow and some form of paper glued to their head. "Hello," they said, trying to strike up a conversation, "Do you happen to know where our host might be?" The small mammal scoffed. "Of course not! I just came here for the food, man. Have you tried any of the.." Their voice dropped down to a whisper, "Omelette du Fromage?". Asmo examined the creature without giving a response. The paper on their forehead, upon closer examination, was a sticker that read in crude blue crayon,"Hello! My name is Pikalil". Alright then. ---- "Oh my god, the omelette du fromage is terrible. How can you even stomach that?" A highpitched voice from across the table replied to the statement that wasn't even directed at them. "And who might you be, smarty?" Pikalil growled. "Me? I'm Jack!" The cat, or so it appeared, took a drink from it's koolaid glass, gulping down the last remaining gulps.'' "I came here to kick butt and drink koolaid. And as you can see, I'm all out of koolai-" '' Jack was unable to finish his sentence, due to the fact that he had been tackled to the ground and was getting punched repeatedly by a small pink kitten. How humiliating. After several minutes of unrelentless light punches (because honestly, a kitten wouldn't be able to beat someone up. That'd be godmodding), the kitten finally got up, and bowed. "Hello! I'm Cupcake! I'll be your server this evening!" Pikalil looked at her skeptically.'' "Wait, you're the staff here?"'' Cupcake nodded. "Yup! O. Grebit, the master, was supposed to send in more staff, but this party was on short notice, so he gave me a list of what to cook, clean, etc.! It's actually really difficult but I'm sort of forced to be optimistic and adorable for the entertainment of the guests! Please help me!" No one paid attention to the last sentence, of course. As the events downstairs were taking place, a lone figure sat in his room. God, Wolfy hated parties. He had only come because the letter engaging him has mentioned something about training. 'Said that it was a competiton. Maybe that was after the dinner party? Wolfy looked around his room. A mural of...a strange green creature with what appeared to be a mule danced over a bear rug. The host certainly had a strange taste in decoration. To compliment the mural, there was a poem hanging above the bed. It read: Ten little Ogre boys went out to dine; '' ''One choked his little self and then there were nine. '' ''Nine little Ogre boys sat up very late; '' ''One overslept himself and then there were eight. '' 'Eight little Ogre boys travelling in Devon; '' One said he'd stay there and then there were seven. '' ''Seven little Ogre boys chopping up sticks; '' ''One chopped himself in halves and then there were six. '' ''Six little Ogre boys playing with a hive; '' ''A bumblebee stung one and then there were five. '' ''Five little Ogre boys going in for law; '' ''One got in Chancery and then there were four. '' ''Four little Ogre boys going out to sea; '' ''A red herring swallowed one and then there were three. '' ''Three little Ogre boys walking in the Zoo; '' ''A big bear hugged one and then there were two. '' ''Two little Ogre boys sitting in the sun; '' ''One got frizzled up and then there was one. '' ''One little Ogre boy left all alone; '' ''He went and shot himself and then there were none. '' What an odd and macabre poem, Wolfy thought. Why did the host have such an odd fascination with ogres? Was there something about them that made them pleasing? Was it the aesthetic? In a seperate room, River and Rem were setting up their things. "This room is so ugly I swear to god. Why the hell is it green. I mean, I know this is Ogre Island and all, but really, green?" Rem shouted, throwing clothes into the closet. ''"Rem, it'll be alright. We're only here to relax for a while, and then we'll leave," River said, patting Rem on the back. "At least we have John Denver CDs to keep us company!" '' ''"Who even is John Denver didn't he die ages ago?" Rem said, looking at the CDs from across the room. An ugly black and white picture of a man with glasses and a bowlcut stared back at him, smiling. "For your information, John Denver is a pioneer of the music industry, and should be worshipped as our new lord" a voice from down the hall said, loudly enough for Rem and River to hear clearly. They must have been too loud. Their door opened, and some kind of weird purple creature walked into their room."How dare you insinuate that John Denver is dead. He's never dead. He'll live on in our hearts and in 8th grade classrooms for as long as the human civilization is still dominant. He has simply just shed his mortal form, and adopted a new, more majestic on-" "Shut up for a minute, will you?" Rem roared, interrupting the stranger. "Here, if you like John Denver so much, you can have our CD, then," ''said River, tossing the CD out the door into the hall. The creature had a name tag, reading ''"Gosho Bandetto". Weird name. Gosho picked up the CD, and fled into his room, only to reamerge several minutes later. "Hey, by the way, dinner should be starting any minute. We should probably get downstairs." "Alright, sounds great!" River said cheerfully. "We'll be down soon!" Chapter 2: the beast vessel Dinner was pleasant, for the most part. When they weren't staring at each other in silence, due to the fact that half of the guests were talking animals, they discussed their host. Who was Owen Grebit? Why had they been summoned? "Hey, Cupcake...?" ''Elliott said, turning to the small pink kitten. ''"Hmm?" She replied,"What is it you need, sir?" "I was wondering if you'd happened to see O. Grebit previously." "Not that I know of! I was engaged by a letter from the job agency. When I arrived, it was about a week to today, and I was left a list of instructions on what to do, sir!" Cupcake said as she cheerfully cleaned off the table. "So wait," Asmo interrupted,"So, everyone here has been summoned by letter, correct?" A chorus of "yes" and nods of the head followed the question. Suddenly, the silence was broken by a horrendous static sound coming from somewhere in the house. It was so loud, some of the animals dropped to the door, cringing and covering their ears. "What the hell?!?" ''Pikalil yelled over the chaos. A voice rang out through the static. It was cryptic, and was barely audible over the static. It said: '"You ͢ha̧ve̴ al҉l͝ b̧een ̸s̕u͞mmone̴d́ he̡re͟ ̡to̧d̸ay ̸t̸o pay ͡f̸o̢r th̛e͡ c̢r̕im͝e̴s̢ yo͡u ̀ha͟ve̛ com͢m̸itt̶e͠d͠ p͞ŕe̷vi͞o̸u̸sl͜y̕. ̀' 'El̨l͞io̡t̴t̡ ̀W͘at̢ers̨,͏ ͜o͞n͟ the ̢7t͞h͠ o͜f A͠p̷ril҉,̢ ̕yóu we͡re re͞sponsi͜bl̸e͟ for̷ t͘h̕e ͘d͡eat̀h ͜of ͝A̶le̶c͘ ͠Wi̧mbl̵y͘.' '͘Ca̷il͜en,͘ on ͘th҉e͠ 14͜t͘h ́óf͡ Aưgu̴s͟t,͘ ̡yo̷u ̢w̷ere҉ ̧resp͡on͏sib͞l͞e f́or thȩ ḑea҉t͝h͡ ͏of͢ ͞A͝le̶x Pepę.͡' '̴ G͜o̶sh̢o͟, ͟on ͜t̕he 1͘8t͠h͟ ̕of ̵M̕ay͢,̛ y͢ou w͞er͢e re҉s͜ponsib͏l̡e ̡fo͝r̨ ͞t̴he ͏d͏ea̶th ̶of̛ ̛O͜g͡i.͝' '͞P̶i͏k͜a̧l̨iĺ, ̕o͡n͟ th̶e͜ ̧1̸2͏th̷ ̧o͏f͜ J҉ųne, ́you w̧e͏re̵ ́r̨e͢spo͞ns̕ibl̴e ҉f̡or̢ the͏ d͏ea̧t͘h of ̀P̡a̛tri̡cid͢e̡. ̵' 'Ri̡ve҉r͝ ҉an̡d R͢e͜m,̛ ón ́t̨he̶ ͏9͡t̢h͠ of͜ A̶pr̀il͟, ̧yo̢u̸ w̴e͏r͘e resp̧o͡nsi̶b̶l͡ę f͡or the d͝e͝ąt͠h of J҉oh̷n ́M͞'eme. ͢' '̵Ąs҉mode҉o̸u͢s͡, on̷ t̵he̴ ̢4th̷ o̵f ͡M҉ay,̷ ͟yǫu͡ ̨w̕ére ͡r̵e̶şpo͝ns҉i͏bl̴e̴ ͘f͠o̧r̨ t̴h̢ę ̵death͢s͢ ̛o͢f ̶Fe͘rre͟l ́W͝ro̡n̴g̴ and Zȩu̶ś ̡Ģo͜o̕dm̕an.̶' '̶ Ja̢c͠k,҉ ̧o͡n̡ t͟he ̷2͝8t͜h of͏ D͡ec͜em̡b̕e̸r, y͡o̕u͡ w̶e̸r̴e͠ r͢e̶sp̶onsi̡bl̶e̢ fo̕ŗ the ̛de̛a͡t͞h̴ of E̡l͘ļa҉ ͞Hou̸d͘i̴ńi̛.' 'Cupca͡k͝e, on ͜t̡h̴e҉ 5th ̷óf͝ ̷F̡ebru͏ary͝, ͘you͞ w̧er̷e ̷r̢espo̶ns͟ibl͘e͝ ͘for t͝h̶e͟ death ̡of̵ A͜ndy T҉o҉i.͠' '̀W̡o͘lf̸y͏, ͘o̧n ̕the ̨30ţh̵ ͞o҉f̧ Se͘pt̢embe͡r̸,͝ ̷y̕o͡u̷ were r̢es͠po̸ns͏ib͟l̵e f̡or̛ the̸ d̴eat̕h̨ ́of͝ S͜unny Gre͞én.҉ ͡' 'D͝ǫ ̕y͜o͝u̢ h̷a҉v̵e̛ ҉a̢n͟ỳth͝ing t̸ǫ s̷ay ̵íń yo͝ur̷ dȩf̶e̶n̡sę?"' Every patron was silent, except for the sound of Rem hitting the floor as he fainted, and Cupcake dropping the tray of desserts. River, Elliott, Wolfy, and Cupcake rushed over immediately, carrying Rem to a nearby couch. "''What the HELL was that?!? Was that some sort of sick joke?!?" Pikalil shouted, frozen in place. She sounded angry, but it was clearly visible she was shaking. Asmo remained at their seat, observing the other guests, unmoved by the chaos around them.'' "That was certainly unexpected,"'' they said, taking another sip from their glass. River splashed cold water on Rem's face until he woke up. "Thank god, you SCARED me, Rem!" Cailen was crying.'' "I-I....What just happened?? Who said those terrible t-things?!?" Pikalil turned to him. "I don't know, but I for one have no clue who the hell that voice was talking about! I don't even know anyone with a name starting with P, myself excluded!"'' Shouting from another room called the guests attention. Everyone able to stand who was not in shock went over to the door, where they saw Jack holding up a small CD. "I found THIS in a stereobox in here! I believe this is the voice we all heard!" '' To demonstrate, he put the CD in the CD slot, and after a minute, the voice rang out again: '"Y̹̘̫̰͖̹̘o͎̤̘̳̼u͇̦̠̱ ̱̳̥̗͍̫̣h̜a͔̳v͇͖̦͕e̮̝̹̲̣̮ ͕̻̻̼͖al̤l͕͈̩ ̗͉ḅ͉̦͎̜e̳͉̱̦en̰͎̞̥ͅ ͙̖͚s͕u̹̮͍̬̗̦̻m͕̠̝͎͇m̤̘o̠͙͇͉n̥͙̳e̥̻̣͇̯̱̪d̯̝̭̞ ͓̻̣he̮͓r̜ḙ̰͙ ͔̹̝t̳͖o͉̹̗͙d̫̹a͈͔̪̬̥y̥̫̪͍͚̘̰ ̳̺t͖͇̦̞̝͓̞o͚͙͕̣̖̱ ̯̝̙̜p̼a͎ỵ̭̮̻̘̲ ͇̘̲̻͚̭f̲͈o̠̲̼r͇͙͍ ̮̙͈̺t̯͙ḥ̘̹͈̮̰̣e͓ ͉̠̥c͉̩͕͚͙̮̻rͅi̥̱͎ṃ̪e̳̗̣̟͉̩ṣ͓̪ ̗̼̞̙̼y͙̗̺ͅo͚̤̹̻̩̻u ̹̲̭̺̬̯̜h̖̙a̳̪v̜e͍̬̼̞̮̲ ͖̬c̯͍̘̝̲̱o̩̩̼̭m̩̱-"' ''"TURN THAT DAMNED THING OFF!" Cupcake shouted, covering her ears. Gosho ran over, and turned it off before Jack could even flinch. "Is this some sort of joke? Is this the reason we were all invited here?" "Alright, someone had to put the CD on. Did anyone come in this room to do it?" Elliott asked, trying to stay calm.'' "I did,"'' Cupcake replied. Horror quickly overtook her features. "Why the hell would you do that?!?" Jack shouted, pinning the small kitten to the wall. "I didn't know what was on it! The instructions told me to do it! If I had known, oh my god, I would have never put it on in the first place!" She shouted back. Gosho and Elliott quickly pried them apart, and the four returned to the main room, where the others were still sitting. "Alright, let's get this mess sorted out. We've all been accused of murdering someone, and naturally, we're all in shock. Would anyone like to confess, I assume?" Asmo said, as everyone (with the exception of Rem and River, who were still at the couch) returned to their seats. "I-I'll start. That accusation was completely false. W-why would I ever kill someone?! I'm a complete w-wimp, I don't even have the guts to do something like t-that!" Cailen said, tapping his fingers nervously. "Hey, the accusation against me was false too! I don't even know anyone with a name like that!" Pikalil shouted. Gosho spoke up. "I caused a death, sure, but it wasn't my fault Ogi swam out to sea! I tried to stop him!" "Alec was a criminal. I put him behind bars, and he died there. Not my fault!" Elliott said. Rem propped himself onto the armrest of the couch.'' "We knew M'eme, but he and us were walking across the street when a bus hit him. I felt bad, man, but it wasn't because of me or River."'' Cupcake sighed. "Since everyone else is claiming they were innocent, I'll be honest. I did kill Mr. Toi, but it was self-defense. He was going to kill me, had I not killed him first!" Wolfy nodded. "Same with me. Sunny Green was going to kill me as soon as September was over. I had to smother him with a pillow in his sleep." Only Jack and Asmo remained silent. Finally, Asmo rolled the glass of coolaid around in their hands.'' "My, what an innocent and brave group we have! I'm so glad to be stuck here for a day with you people, because obviously, you could do nothing wrong at all!" They sneered. ''"Well, what about the accusation against you, then? Anything to say to that?" Gosho said slamming their fist on the table. Asmo looked him in the eye. "The accusation against me? It's true. I killed Ferrell Wrong and Zeus Goodman, alright." A collective gasp echoed around the room.'' "Really, just like that? You killed them?"'' Gosho said. "You bet I did. I was paid to kill them, of course. Assasination mission. Good pay, nonetheless!" Jack stood up. "Well, if you're being honest, I suppose I should be too! I killed Ella. Pushed her off of a bridge!" After several minutes of attemtping to defend their fragile egos, the other guests returned to their seats. "If we were summoned here to this mansion for this reason, we should probably try and figure out what exactly O. Grebit is planning," ''Wolfy spoke up. ''"I've just noticed something..." Pikalil said, tapping her chin. "This is Ogre Island, right? Why is no one talking about the Shrek McDonalds toys in the center of the table?" "You're right, I never saw them there before. I guess they were hidden by all of the food..." ''Cailen said. Elliott laughed, ''"Haha I think Jasper has about 20 of those in his closet." Upon closer examination, there were 10 Ogre figurines in the center of the table.'' "Oh! These must be the ten ogre figurines in the poem in my room!" Wolfy said, clapping. ''"We have a poem like that in our room as well..." River said, still watching Rem to make sure he didn't pass out again. "Every room has one, I've noticed. I assume it's our eccentric host O.G.'s doing." Asmo said. "......oh my god," Elliott said, dropping his glass. It shattered. "Haha thanks now I have to clean that up thank you so much! If I wasn't forced to be optimistic I would kill you right now!" Cupcake said, hurrying over to pick up the shards. "What is it, Elliott?" Gosho asked. "Our host's name is Owne Grebit. O. Grebit. In other words, Ogre." Collective moans and shouting came from the remainder of the guests. "So wait, that might mean our host isn't even REAL?!? That O. Grebit is just an acronym?" Pikalil shouted. "From what I assume, yes." Elliott said. Jack stood on his chair, and raised his drink.'' "No matter, guys! We'll be off this damned island in the morning when the Tribunny Ferry comes by to drop off supplies! I don't know about you, but I came to this island for two things!"'' Everyone stared. Jack continued. "I came here to kick butt, and drink koolaid!" He gulped down his koolaid. "And it appears I'm all out of-" Suddenly, Jack started choking. His face turned a horrifying shade of purple, and he fell from his chair. He squirmed on the ground for a good 10 seconds, and then fell limp. Chaos erupted. Chapter 3: You're an All Star Everyone stared in awe and horror for a good 5 minutes. Elliott was the first to move to Jack's side. He quickly checked the cat's pulse, and after a minute of silence, he stepped back. "H-he's dead. Oh my god..." Elliott murmured, unable to believe it. "He can;t be dead! We just saw him t-talking and cheering not even 10 minutes ago!" Cailen said, choking back tears. Elliott checked Jack's glass of koolaid.'' "It has a faint almond smell. Must have been cyanide!"'' "Who the hell would carry cyanide with them to a party?!?" ''Pikalil shouted. ''"A-actually, we have some in the mansion for p-pests and such. Oh my god, I can't believe he's d-dead..." Asmo picked up the deceased cat, and carried him up to what WOULD have been Jack's room placing him on the bed, and covering him with a sheet. Others followed to watch. After the "funeral", they all stood in the lobby, trying to figure out what happened. "Could it have been a suicide? I mean, that's pretty hard to believe, but considering things..." ''Pikalil said. "No, I can't imagine it being a suicide. He didn't seem like the type to off himself at a moment's notice,"'' River replied,"Besides, we've already checked to make sure he wasn't carrying any while you guys were upstairs. It's impossible for him to pour it in his own drink with no one looking!" Asmo shook their head. "Look, we'll figure it out in the morning, I suppose. It's been a long night. Everyone, let's lock our doors to make sure none of us get shanked in our sleep, and we'll discuss this in the morning, alright?" Nods of agreement followed. Rem yawned.'' "Hey, anyone have sleeping aids? My head hurts like hell, and I'll be tossing and turning all night without them."'' "Here, I've got some~!" Cupcake said, reaching into her seemingly nonexistant pockets. How does a cat have pockets. I mean seriously, are animals like fitted with built in pockets? But I digress. Anyways, Cupcake placed the pills in Rem's hand.'' "I grabbed a few from my suitcase just in case anyone needed them!"'' "Gee, thanks" ''Rem sighed. ''"Alright, goodnight guys!" Everyone went to their respective rooms, and one by one, 7 door locks clicked. Cupcake went to put away the leftovers from dinner, humming as she went. God, these people were unbearable. If only she wasn't forced to be overly optimistic to please the guests, or else she would have left immediately. Afterall, it was her job to keep them happy, paid or unpaid. When she returned to the dining room, she paused. Something was...off. A final doorknob clicked upstairs. "That's...odd. I could have sworn there were 10 figurines. Why are there only 9?" ----- Waking up early was one of Elliott's favorite pastimes. BEING woken up early wasn't. A hand shaking his shoulder jolted him out of a deep sleep. "W-what the hell...?" He said "Hey, you're the guy with medical knowledge, right?!? Rem, h-he's not waking up!" ''The voice was River's. ''"Give me a minute, please, I'll check it out." Less than 5 minutes later, a crowd was gathered around Rem and River's room. A quick check of Rem's pulse signaled the obvious. He was dead. The other guests had taken their seats at the dining table. "Hey, where's Rem and River?" Pikalil asked, tilting her bright yellow head towards the empty seats.'' "Ah. You'll...have to excuse them. I'll explain as soon as we all finish eating," Elliott replied. Breakfast was rather pleasant. They all avoided the topic of the island, and...the night previous. Instead, they discussed their adventures, and current news. After everyone had finished eating, Elliott spoke up. ''"Rem is dead. Died last night in his sleep, from an overdose of sleeping aids." A collective gasp filled the room. All heads turned to Cupcake. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?!?" ''She said, staring. ''"Well, the last thing he ate was those damned sleeping pills you gave him!" A voice from down the hall shouted. River stormed into the room. "Rem is dead, and it's YOUR fault, you mangey excuse for a cat!" "Woah, everyone calm down" Wolfy murmured, but no one heard him. Asmodeous spoke. "Are you SURE that's the only thing he ate?" "Positive" River nodded. "Odd. Is it possible that Cupcakes accidentally gave him an overdose?" '' ''"Maybe. But it's still her fault Rem is dead!" Someone slammed their fist on the table. Everyone turned to the source of the sound, Cupcake.'' "If you guys could SHUT up for ONE MINUTE, I have something to say!"'' "Well spit it out, then!" River sneered. "L-Last night, when I was cleaning up, I noticed one of the figurines was missing. Now there are only 8 figurines instead of ten!" "She's right!" ''Wolfy shouted. "There are only 8 now!"'' ----- After everyone had calmed down, they gathered in the living room. "Alright. The boat was supposed to come at 10, and it's 1 PM right now. From the looks of it, we're stuck here, oh god," ''Cailen said. Asmo stood up. ''"Alright, I'm going to lead a team to investigate the island to see if it's possible that Mr. Ogre is hiding out on the island. Stand up if you're coming with me." At the final sentence, Gosho and Elliott stood up. "We're on a killer hunt, and don't think we don't know how to weed 'em out!" The guests parted ways, and Asmo, Gosho, and Elliott exited the room, leaving the house. First, they examined the terrace. After saying a brisk hello to Cailen, and looking over every nook and cranny, they concluded that it was downright moronic, considering they would have noticed a secret entrance when they first came into the house, they decided to go down to the cliffs. On their way down, they passed Wolfy, who was sitting on the gazebo, watching the mainland. "We should probably talk to him to see if he knows anything..." Elliott said. "Alright! You guys can count on me!" Gosho said as he skipped over to where Wolfy was sitting. He tripped twice. Amazingly, Wolfy didn't seem to hear it. Gosho tapped him on the back. Suddenly, he whipped around.'' "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?"'' "Busy doing what?" ''Gosho asked. ''"I'm busy thinking. If the boat really does come, I don't think I'm going to leave..." ''Wolfy replied. ''"What do you mean?" "I mean that if the boat comes, I'm staying here, on the island. It's quite peaceful...the type of place a person can stay for the rest of their life without worrying about what their past actions caused. Everyone last night acted in a way that showed they were guilty of murder, myself included, of course. We're all going to die here, alone and terrified.." "Fine then, suit yourself, Wolfy!" Gosho turned around, and walked back to the others. "He's...acting strange." Wolfy didn't hear them leave. There was so little time left, he thought. Sunny Green would probably be laughing right now, if he were here. How he had HATED Sunny. That damned smirk. He was glad to have killed him. But was it really worth it? Wolfy didn't get an answer. ---- "Oi, I think I see a small cave down there! Do you think it's big enough to hide in?" ''Gosho said, pointing down to a small indention in the rocks. ''"Worth investigating. Gosho, go get some rope from the shed?" Elliott said, staring at the rockface. It didn't seem very large, but Asmo could surely climb down with the use of some rope. "Alright! Be right back, guys!" '' Gosho's footsteps faded away quickly. Asmo turned to Elliott. ''"Do you think these two deaths on the islands have been murders?" Elliott shrugged. "Hard to say. I'm not a doctor, I'm a detective. Which, actually, when you think about it, should make it easier for me to figure out if they are or not, but whatever. Anyways, I think there's a good chance." "Let's just hope we can find O. Grebit before another one occurs..." The sound of someone tripping behind them signaled the return of Gosho, and with the use of the rope, Asmo quickly descended the cliff. As they found out, it was barely big enough to fit a small rat, let alone a cat or humanoid. Dejected, they continued searching, only to find the rest of the island was barren. ---- "We should probably go and get Wolfy. I hate to wake him, but he's slept through lunch on that damned gazebo," ''Pikalil said, looking out the window. "I'll go get him"'' Elliott said. The other guests sat around the table. River picked at his food, an empty seat by his side. The room was rather quiet. Suddenly, the sound of someone running across gravel echoed around the room, and Elliott burst in through the door. "It's W-Wolfy! He's d-dead!" ---- Sure enough, he was dead. The back of his head was bloody, and behind the gazebo, a bloody 2x4 to match. 4 of the guests lifted Wolfy to his room, and like Jack and Rem before him, they covered his face with the smiling leprecaun bedsheet. The remaining guests gathered in the living room. They turned off the Nyan Nyan Sugar Girls program (much to the dismay of Cailen, who was entirely invested in it), and sat in chairs on opposite sides of the room. "As we all know, the death of Wolfy is much too convenient for Jack and Rem's deaths to be ruled as suicides. First, let's settle Jack's death" Asmo said, beginning the "trial". "His drink had been left out on the table while we were all in a panic. All of ours had been. It's entirely possible that someone slipped an overdose in Rem's, and the cyanide in Jack's," Gosho said. Asmodeous nodded. "Plausible enough. Considering most of us have limited medical knowledge, save for the detective, who is unable to determine the time the drugs were slipped into the drinks without proper equipment, we'll only be able to guess for now." "Now that we have that settled, what the hell are we going to do about Wolfy's death? It's obvious that was a direct injury!" Pikalil said, hitting the back of her head to mimic the movement that had taken Wolfy's life. Cupcake raised her hand, or rather, paw.'' "We all split ways. The only guests who weren't in the room were Asmo, Elliott, Gosho, Cailen, and River. Pikalil and I were in the lobby."'' Cailen shook his head. "I-I was sitting out on the terrace. Asmo, Gosho, and Elliott passed me. I don't really have an alibi, but I-I sat there the entire time..." "It's rather visible you're upset. Besides, no offense, you're kind of a wimp. You're ruled out as the murderer," Pikalil snickered. "So that leaves us three, then," ''Asmo turned to their colleagues. "The three of us parted only once. Elliott and I stayed together, while Gosho ran to get rope. Gosho is the only one without an alibi for the good five minutes he was gone."'' "Woah woah woah, back up a second, are you accusing ME of murder?" Gosho stared at Asmo. "I can't run up a hill without tripping 10 times, and I can't get rope in one minute! Lay off, pal!" Gosho turned to Elliott.'' "Besides, Elliott was the one who went to go GET Wolfy! He could easily lift a 2x4, and since none of us have medical knowledge, he could say the body was dead for at least an hour without any of us thinking twice!"'' "Are you saying I would kill someone? What do you think I am, an animal?" Elliott growled, obviously not helping the case that he wasn't some sort of animal. That was when a fight broke out between the two. It took Asmodeous , River, and Cupcake combined to pry them apart. ---- After everyone had regained their senses, Asmodeous resumed. "As it's been established, there are only two people in this room without a solid alibi who could lift a 2x4. They are to both be placed under surveillance at all times, and anyone leaving the room from now on must go in pairs. In addition, if one returns without the other, it's to be assumed that they have done away with them, and the loner must be placed in captivity until we find their teammate. Is this clear?" Everyone nodded. "I'm not a damn murderer! You people are nuts!" Gosho said. "He's got to be the murderer!" Elliott scoffed. "As if!" --- After a tense and silent dinner, the remaining guests returned to their rooms. Cupcake checked the table, and sure enough, there were only 7 Shrek figurines left. She snickered. "I should probably lock up this room to ensure that no one dies in the middle of the night. " As she locked the door, she whistled.'' "Looks like Mr. O. Grebit will have to get ogre his obsession with these figurines! Hah!"'' Chapter 4: I sprayed a spider with axe body spray to kill it and now its name is chad and its wearing a meninist t-shirt Asmo sat up in their bed, and stretched. The view from the Shrek stained window was quite lovely, even if it was, of course, a depiction of our good lord and savior Shrek. Something didn't seem right, however. Asmo turned to the clock in their room. It read 12:00 PM. Usually, everyone had gotten up by this time, or rather, Cupcake noisely setting the table for breakfast had. Something was very wrong indeed. Asmo quickly put on a jacket, and moving across the hall, knocked on Pikalil's door. "Pikalil, open up. Something is amiss." Pikalil groaned as she opened the door. "What is it, Asmo? Can't you see I was sleeping?" "As I said, something is amiss. Haven't you noticed that we weren't woken up by Cupcake setting the table?" Pikalil thought for a second, and then nodded. "So, are we going to go investigate, then?" "Of course." The two walked to the stairs. Before they could make it, Pikalil paused. "Wait, let's knock to make sure everyone is in their rooms..." Asmo nodded, and the two moved to opposite sides of the hall, knocking each room and making sure their inhabitants were inside. After they were sure no room was empty, they returned to the stairs. As they reached the dining room, the strong smell of Axe body spray nearly knocked them off their feet. "God, what's that smell? It smells like a meninist convention!" Pikalil snorted. Asmo didn't respond. Their eyes were focused on the dining room table. There were only 6 Shrek figurines left. ---- They found Cupcake later. She was in the back of the house. Apparently she had been in the garden, tending to the flowers, when someone took the axe from the supply shed and whacked her on the back on the head with it. To compliment, there were two bottles of Axe body spray, both of which were empty, and from the smell of it, sprayed on and around the corpse. "What a cruel demise. Imagine being killed and then having THAT stuff sprayed around you." Pikalil said, nudging the corpse with her foot. It didn't take very long for Asmo and Pikalil to notify the other guests, and after they had carried Cupcake's corpse to her room, they gathered in the living room once more. "Haha, do you think they have any bees on this god forsaken island?" River said, doubling over in laughter. "Pardon?" Elliott turned towards River. "What do you mean?" "I mean, are there any bees kept on this island? You've all read the poem, surely? Or need I recite it? Trust me, I have it etched into my memory!" River cleared his throat. He said: "Ten little Ogre boys went out to dine; '' ''One choked his little self and then there were nine. '' ''Nine little Ogre boys sat up very late; '' ''One overslept himself and then there were eight. '' 'Eight little Ogre boys travelling in Devon; '' One said he'd stay there and then there were seven. '' ''Seven little Ogre boys chopping up sticks; '' ''One chopped himself in halves and then there were six. '' ''Six little Ogre boys playing with a hive; '' ''A bumblebee stung one and then there were five. '' ''Five little Ogre boys going in for law; '' ''One got in Chancery and then there were four. '' ''Four little Ogre boys going out to sea; '' ''A red herring swallowed one and then there were three. '' ''Three little Ogre boys walking in the Zoo; '' ''A big bear hugged one and then there were two. '' ''Two little Ogre boys sitting in the sun; '' ''One got frizzled up and then there was one. '' ''One little Ogre boy left all alone; '' ''He went and shot himself and then there were none. " "Wait, you;re telling me this poem is foretelling how everyone will die? That's SICK!" Gosho shouted. "From the looks of it, yes. Soon, one of us will die from a bee sting. No one here has bee allergies, correct?" Elliott asked, looking around the room. Cailen raised his hand. "Actually, I-I've sorta got allergies. I mean, they're not severe, b-but I don't know..." "Don't worry, you'll be safe, pal!" Gosho said, slapping him on the back. "We'll make sure no nasty murderer gets ahold of 'ya!" ---- It was not long before the group went to lunch. It wasn't really that pleasant, considering they now had no trained cook on hand, and that all of the remaining guests were next to hopeless at cooking. The only thing they could scavenge that was easily preparable was vienna sausages, which, as we all know, isn't a very appetizing meal. As the remainder of the group cleaned up, and proceeded upstairs to clean up in their rooms, and continue their discussion of how they would get off the island, only Pikalil, River, and Elliott remained. River was still seated at the table, and was kicking his legs back and forth. "Hey...you alright there, buddy? You seem a little...giddy." Pikalil said, walking up to where River was seated. "It's probably delayed shock. Happens all the time at the precinct," said Elliott. "If you don't mind, I'll stay here. It'd be better if I stayed here and waited for this to wear off rather than stumble into the meeting," River replied. Pikalil shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, champ." ----- As Pikalil and Elliott walked off into their seperate rooms to clean up, River suddenly began to feel very tired. Sleep would have been nice. Ah yes, a nice long nap with Rem, waking up at 3 in the afternoon instead of being woken up every time a body was discovered. That'd be nice. A buzzing noise filled his ears. Odd. Didn't someone mention something about bees earlier? Bees. Lovely creatures. Especially the one in that movie! I mean, the whole bee/human romance was kind of unorthadox, but it had such a stunning plot! There were footsteps behind him. Normally, River would have turned around to greet a person walking behind him, but right now, he was just way too tired... There was a sharp pain in his neck. ----- "Shouldn't River be up here by now? I'm tired of sitting around here waiting for him!" Cailen whined, crossing his arms. "Yeah, someone should go get him, I suppose." Pikalil nodded. Pikalil and Gosho walked into the dining room. "River, we're all waiting for you, you lazy dog! Come on!" shouted Pikalil. There was no answer. Gosho crept up to where River sat, and instantly fell back in horror. "H-He's dead! Oh my god!" ---- "I'd say cyanide. There's a clear sign of injection on the neck, and he reeks of almond." Elliott looked around the room of guests, waiting for a response. Several nodded in agreement. "In addition, we found a syringe wiped of fingerprints near the scene. Did anyone bring a syringe to the mansion?" ''Asmo added. ''"A-actually, I brought a syringe." All heads turned to Gosho. "You see, I use it to inject mountain dew into my bloodstream. Kind of gives me an extra boost of energy, 'ya know..." Gosho said, looking down at the floor. "But it went missing last night. I was a little embarassed to admit something of mine was stolen, so I let it slide. But I can promise you I wasn't the murderer." "I noticed something about Cupcake's death. I'm sure we all smelled that horrid stench plaguing the area" Pikalil said. '' "Turns out, the only guest who would wear such a body spray was Jack. And we all know, he died the evening we arrived."'' "Does that mean someone's going through deceased guests' bags?" Cailen said, a look of horror overwhelming him. "What type of sick freak would do that?" "Alright, since we have no solid evidence against anyone for these murders, we have no choice but to all remain in one room" said Asmo.'' "We'll all be able to keep track of everyone's movements this way. Only one person is allowed to leave the room at all times, from this point forward."'' They continued.'' "However, seeing as we still have a body to move, we'll leave the room in pairs, and move the body. At exactly 1:00 PM, we'll return to this room, and begin our sit-in. I'll remain in here. Elliott and Gosho, you two work on moving the body. Pikalil and Cailen, you two finish cleaning the dining room. See you in an hour, everyone."'' ---- "Say, who do you think is the murderer, Cailen?" ''Pikalil said as she carried dishes over to where Cailen was standing. "I don't trust the entire lot of 'em, and in addition, you and I are the only two people too weak to even attempt murder."'' "Considering we're so weak, we're probably the next two who'll be targeted. To be honest, Asmodeous seems like the silent killer type, y'know? Acts all calm, and then when they have you where they want you, BAM! You're dead." Pikalil paused.'' "Hey, I just had a great idea! Listen..."'' ---- "God, I'll never get used to seeing corpses, pal." Gosho said as he and Elliott lumped River's corpse next to Rem's on the bed. "Hah, try working as a detective. You get used to it pretty fast." Elliott wiped his hands. "Now that we're finished, we should probably return back to the living room so everyone can stare intensely at each other for an hour or two." "Sounds great! Count me in!" ---- After several unsurprisingly bland hours of staring intensely at each other, Gosho stood up, and stretched. "Well this was fun, but I'm going to get to bed. Goodnight, guys." He ascended the stairs to his room, and right as he walked in the door, something was off, he could tell. Probably just nerves. Y'never know when there's a killer loose in the house, am I right? He quickly turned off the light, and hopped into bed. An odd feeling came over him. On a hunch, he slowly opened his eyes, and turned towards the closet. There was someone in the closet. It was a shadowy figure, and what appeared to be an arm was raised. he could see they were moving in the darkness of the room. Gosho screamed. He didn't heard the sound of people running upstairs, and flicking on the lights. Within seconds, he was on the floor, being held down by one of the other guests. "What the hell is going on in here? What the hell are you screaming at?!?" Elliott shouted. After several minutes of taking deep breaths, Gosho turned towards the closet to see his would-be attacker. It was a coat. Specifically, a coat that didn't belong to him. It was black, and positioned so that it would blow in the breeze of the slightly opened window, giving the impression of someone standing in the closet. "Hah....Must have been my i-imagination, I guess.." Gosho said, shaking. Asmo held out a bottle of water. "Here, take a dri-" "N-no thanks.." Gosho said, pushing it away. Elliott laughed. "I'm assuming O.Gre expected you to pass out from fright. Hah, looks like this didn't go the way he'd pla-". Suddenly he stopped. There was one less head in the room than there were supposed to be. "Where's Cailen?" ''He asked. ''"I could have sworn he came up after us..." ---- The group of remaining guests descended down the stairs, only to find they were too late. Cailen was still sitting in his chair, but what appeared to be a gaping hole (from a bullet wound, naturally) in his forehead was discovered under closer suspection. Elliott gasped.'' "My revolver!"'' "Wait, hold up. What do you mean, 'my revolver'? You brought a revolver, didn't you?" Gosho said, turning to Elliott. "Why the hell didn't you tell us you brought one?!?" "Because I'm a detective. It's only natural for a detective for carry a damned revolver. It doesn't make me a murderer!" Asmo shook their head.'' "Sorry, but it's a bit too opportuned, considering we now have a dead body conveniently shot with a revolver belonging to you. You're going to be under supervision by myself and Gosho the remainder of our time here until rescue crews arrive."'' "But I'm telling you, I haven't killed anyone here!". '' Pikalil stepped in. ''"Woah woah woah, wait just a minute. He was in front of you on the stairs the entire time, Asmo, he didn't have enough time to leave, kill Cailen, and come back! You guys are getting way ahead of yourselves here!" "Yeah, what she said!" ''Elliott said, bewilderment still filling his eyes. ''"Fine. We'll carry Cailen's body up to his room, and then we each lock ourselves inside our room. If anyone leaves their room during the night, it is to be assumed they are the murderer, and they will be immediately apprehended and locked inside the hall closet. Agreed?" Everyone present shook their heads in agreement, and the group parted to their rooms. ---- Footsteps down the hall woke Asmo up from a restless sleep, and they jumped out of bed. It was only 12:09 AM. Something was definitely amiss. Quickly slipping on a jacket, Asmo grabbed the closest blunt object they could fine (which was, unfortunately, a lamp), and opened the door. The hallway was empty. However, clear pawprints were visible on the wooden floor. Very small pawprints.. ---- "Who's there?" ''Gosho said, walking to the door. Whoever it was, they better have a good reason for waking him up in the middle of the night. ''"It's Asmo and Elliott. Pikalil is out of her room, and we're going to chase her down." A voice from outside said. It was Asmo's. "How can I be sure you're not fooling me?" Gosho replied. Another voice from outside answered,"Because I'm here too, moron. Are you going to open the door or not?" '' ---- The three descended the staircase. It was deathly dark, but occasional lightning strikes from outside illuminated the window every so often, guiding their way. On the dining table, there were 3 figurines remaining. ''"So wait, this must be our red herring of the poem!" Gosho said, pointing to the figurines. Elliott looked confused. "Pardon?" "What Gosho means is that Pikalil must have taken one of the figurines to make it seem as if she had died, while rather, she's hiding on the island somewhere. Sticking together is of utmost important right now," said Asmodeous, looking around to make sure Pikalil wasn't in the room. Asmo, Gosho, and Elliott, after searching the house, quickly took to searching the island. After searching everywhere, they finally decided to take a break on the gazebo. That was when a crash from inside caught their attention. "What the hell was that?" ''Elliott shouted. It didn't take long for them to run inside, only to find a window of the dining hall broken. Asmo quickly mounted the staircase. ''"Pikalil is indoors. We need to check every room immediately." Gosho and Elliott soon followed, and they checked every room, to ensure that each corpse was in its place, and that Pikalil wasn't hiding, or masquerading as one. They never found her. Chapter 5: nobody puts baby in the corner by fall out boy "I'm so bloody exhausted, Jesus Christ," Elliott said as he planted himself on the porch step. Gosho and Asmo did the same, all of them tired after searching for hours. "I just don't understand where Pika could hide! I mean, I know she;s small, but not THAT small. We can't very well just look over her, can we?" ''Gosho said, kicking a stone across the pavement. Asmo shook their head. "We'll find her eventually. In the meantime, someone should try and find at least one bar on their cellphone so we can notify authorities. If someone gets to the balcony, if should be substantial enough to locate one."'' "I'll do it!" Gosho said, springing up. "Be back soon!" ---- Elliott and Asmo had wandered off to seperate parts of the house as Gosho desperately tried to find at least one bar. "Come on, you damned thing! Why does an island not have cell phone signal?!?" Gosho shouted to himself, frustrated at the phone's inability to pick up a signal. Suddenly, a small bar showed on the right hand corner of the Waluigi wallpaper on the phone. "Oh thank god" ''was all Gosho could say before he dialed 911. ''"911, what's your emergenc-" '' Before he could answer, footsteps behind him notified him of someone approaching. He turned around, only to gasp. "How the hell are YOU up here? What are you doin-"'' Thump. ---- The sound of something hitting the ground hard outdoors notified Asmo of something wrong. They dropped the embroidered Shrek napkin they were examining, and ran outdoors, only to find that Elliott was already there, standing over something. It was a body. Namely, Gosho's body. It was quite clear he had fallen. The phone was shattered, its Waluigi phonecase in shards. What was baffling was the fact that there was a large fracture on the back of his skull. Obviously from a blunt object. Next to the corpse, a shattered clock lay on the pavement. The only thing still intact on the clock was the decoration. A small bear statue. ---- Elliott and Asmo had decided to check for footprints. Luckily for them, it appeared that Gosho's attacker had been dragging their feet, possibly from an injury sustained while weilding the statue. Unluckily for them, it lead to the beach. Even more unluckily for them, there was a surprise waiting for them there. A corpse. Pikalil's corpse, to be precise. From its appearance, it had been in the water for quite some time. Long enough to rule out Pikalil being Gosho's murderer. Elliott turned to Asmo. "So, this is how it ends, then?" "It appears so." Elliott quickly drew his revolver from his jacket. "I found this while we were indoors. I grabbed it in case we ran into Pika, but it appears I was hunting for the wrong person..." He's bluffing, Asmo thought. He's trying to buy himself time. Why didn't they kill Elliott when they had the chance? It was quite clear he had been the murderer. The Wolfy's death made it painfully clear, and so did Cailen's. God, how could Asmo have been so careless? "It appears you were, Waters. We should probably move her body up beyond the tidewater's reach, however. Don't want it to get washed away." "Ah, want to place the victim with the others, then? I'll do that for you after I shoot you, but how can I resist someone's last wish?" The two drug the body up beyond where the tode waters could reach it. Elliott stretched. "That was an enjoyable week. Scared me half to death, but thanks for leaving me last to die, Asmo." As Elliott was stretching, Asmo pickpocketed his firearm, and now the tables had been turned between them. "Oh, so THAT was the reason you wanted to move the body up above the water. I see." ''Elliott said quietly. ''"Goodbye, Waters. You were a clever one, you were." Boom. ---- Asmo was tired. There was still blood on their coat from shooting Elliott. God, how had they been so foolish? Elliott was the obvious killer from the start. They had been too trusting. Afterall, members of law enforcement were meant to uphold the law. It's only natural that sort of power would go to his head. Damn. Asmo slowly realized that they had been going up the stairs to their room. That's odd. They had left the revolver on the table. Asmo was too tired to place it anywhere else. All they could think about was rest after this week of hell. As they walked in their room, they slowly realized that leaving the revolver on the table had been a horrible mistake. Someone was behind them. And they had the revolver. Boom² Epilogue. From the time I was sent to this world to inhabit the form of this annoying, whining brat, I wanted to kill. Not just a single death at my hands, but on a grand scale. This whining brat was tough. Possessing him, and retaining his personality for a YEAR was tougher. Of course, some noticed, but they usually went "missing" before it could be announced. Gathering information on everyone invited to the island was simple. Afterall, I have a way with words. Talking to random people about the same routine subject, I was able to pick a list of ten subjects to punish for their deeds. Because it's rather rude to harm an innocent person. I obtained the money to purchase the island through a Captain T. Bun, who was a yachting millionaire. He fell for my scheme, and to stop him from leaking any information, I gave him an overdose of sleeping pills, similar to how I did away with Rem. In creating the alias O. Gre, I took to my love of his almighty ogrelord, Shrek. Buying place called Ogre Island would be a natural move for a devoted follower of Shrek's, of course. The stunning decorations added to the aesthetic. On the matter of how each guest was exterminated, I regarded an old poem school-children used to sing. Ten little Ogre boys went out to dine; '' ''One choked his little self and then there were nine. '' ''Nine little Ogre boys sat up very late; '' ''One overslept himself and then there were eight. '' 'Eight little Ogre boys travelling in Devon; '' One said he'd stay there and then there were seven. '' ''Seven little Ogre boys chopping up sticks; '' ''One chopped himself in halves and then there were six. '' ''Six little Ogre boys playing with a hive; '' ''A bumblebee stung one and then there were five. '' ''Five little Ogre boys going in for law; '' ''One got in Chancery and then there were four. '' ''Four little Ogre boys going out to sea; '' ''A red herring swallowed one and then there were three. '' ''Three little Ogre boys walking in the Zoo; '' ''A big bear hugged one and then there were two. '' ''Two little Ogre boys sitting in the sun; '' ''One got frizzled up and then there was one. '' ''One little Ogre boy left all alone; '' ''He went and shot himself and then there were none. '' I preferred to stay as close as possible to the original lines of the poem, Of course, I had to take matters into my own hands at several points in the poem, but most of the time, it worked splendidly. No one suspected the weak, fragile-minded Cailen. I had to bring supplies to prepare for the island. The things I brought with me were cyanide, heavy-duty sleeping pills, and my host's body. It should be no surprise that i possessed him. To kill the guests, I went in this order: First, I poisoned Jack's drink. Second, I switched my heavy dose sleeping pills with Cupcake's, leading to Rem overdosing. Third, I obviously hit Wolfy on the head with the 2x4 (I'm still surprised they counted me out just for my size. Hell, it should have been obvious!) Fourth, I snuck behind Cupcake, and rammed the axe into the back of her skull. Afterwards, I tucked myself back into my bed for a restless 5 minutes of sleep. Fifth, I used Gosho's "Mountain Dew" syringe to inject the last of the cyanide into River's neck. As for my "death", it was by luck Pikalil confided in me a plan to fake a death to throw "the real killer" off of his game. Oh, how naive. I had seen the revolver belonging to Elliott the night before, and had taken it. Showing it to Pikalil, we decided to use that as "my murder weapon". Naturally, I told her to remove a figurine before my body was discovered, and after she left her room to meet me outside. to discuss our next move. Our next move, or rather, my next move, was to push Pikalil off the cliff ledge, sending her headfirst into the jagged stone and cold sea below. The others must have heard Pikalil leaving her room, because it didn't take long for the figures of the three remaining to reemerge. I knew they'd search the island, so the only natural thing to do was to reenter the house via window, leading their attention inside, and giving me enough time to return to my room, and pose as a corpse once more. I laid there for several hours, until the sound of Gosho tripping to the balcony gathered my attention. Granted, he saw me weilding the bear statue, but he didn't have time to call for attention. Asmodeous did the next murder for me, unknowingly of course. It would only take a short amount of time for them to find Pikalil's body, and gather that the other must be the murderer. After Asmodeous "shrekt" (Haha, see what I did there? My lord Shrek shall be pleased) Elliott, they went to their room. Naturally, it's very unlikely that Asmodeous would have shot themselves, which is a gruesome prospect. It was by chance they left the revolver on the table. I crept behind them, and did away with them. After I ensured I was the last remaining one on the island, I wiped the fingerprints, and returned to my room. After I finish writing this letter of confession, I will drop this letter into a bottle, seal it, and cast it away into the sea. There is a slim chance it will be found, of course. If, by chance, you're the lad who found this, congratulations. You hold the key to solving quite possibly the greatest murder scheme ever created. Now, since the police, who I can see preparing their boats on the horizon at this very moment, will be expecting 10 corpses, who am I to refute? Several guests kept logs of what happened. By chance, I found them. Asmodeous, River, Cupcake, and Gosho all had the foresight to retain information gathered here on the island in logs in the event they did not make it, which is quite obvious, they did not. Since the logs state that I was killed via shot to the head, I'm forced to shoot myself. However, this must be done in the most discreet manner possible. I will use my shirt sleeve to ensure that my fingerprints are not found on the gun. After the deed is done, the gun will surely fall under the bed, making it seem as if it were hidden. The police will not question it. I must admit, I feel bad for my host. They never asked for this. But I did. So I bid you all farewell, and best of luck. My daddy shrek awaits you~ uwu Cailen 'END'''